Those Who Fight Monsters
by mia66
Summary: This is how I would have like "Signature" to end. SPOILERS for Signature be aware! This is the same story only it has been corrected.


**They belong to DW and NBC**

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"_**Those who fight monsters…"**_

How many times had she thought those words? How many times she thought of herself as a monster, as an anomaly? Her own conception was surrounded by violence, and that's what had always terrified her - just the thought of her becoming something other than what she had become. She had used her own weaknesses to become the strong woman everyone thought she was, but that was a lie, she knew the truth, she knew that she was weak, but she also knew she couldn't and wouldn't surrender to her fears, not like Lauren did.

What was bothering her the most was the similarity she noted in both of their lives - both had felt the want for the love of a father, both had fought to overcome obstacles, both had chosen violent careers, and were exposed to violent people. Both of them were driven by the sense to protect and defend those close to them and those who needed protection, and in both cases, that drive made them do the wrong thing sometimes, when the desire for justice "vengeance" had pushed them to the brink. In so many ways, she was just like Lauren.

"Olivia"

She heard the voice and tried to hide the evidence of her tears. She'd known it was just a matter of time before one of them would come looking for her. Even so, she would prefer being left alone. She wiped her tears discreetly and waited for him to get closer.

His steps got closer, but he didn't invade her space; he just stayed behind, respecting her privacy and allowing her the time to get her thoughts in order. They stood like that for a couple minutes, on the rooftop of the precinct, looking at the Manhattan night and the city below them. She remembers a night like this, cold and windy, when Munch was in her place and she had come to him, offering support. It was one of the few times she had seen John Much emotionally affected by a case. They stood like that until he spoke again.

"I thought you went home… are you alright? …do you want to talk about it? Lake told me…"

"Lake should mind his own business!" She cut him off mid-sentence, feeling ashamed for the way she broke down in front of a rookie, knowing that he may have told their colleagues.

"Lake told me you did everything you could, that you tried to change her mind and tried to convince her to give herself up".

"I… I should have been able to stop her!" She finally said her voice breaking. "We knew… I knew she was capable of doing something like this. I've been trained to neutralize a situation like that, and I didn't, I…" she couldn't continue, the knot in her throat not allowing her.

"As far as I know, you did exactly as you should have - you were cautious and you _did_ take one of the guns away. There was no way you could have taken that other gun in time; from what Lake said, you couldn't get closer, or she may not have only shot herself, but maybe Lake… maybe even you".

"But I could have done something else; I don't know… something different. I've been thinking through it over and over… I pretty much blamed her for Amy's death… instead of neutralizing the situation, I pushed her more over the edge"

"Olivia… from what I can tell, agent Cooper had made up her mind, she was going to do what she did no matter what anybody told her. It is sad, but sometimes this things happen, it doesn't matter how strong you are, or how many years you've been in the business; sometimes there is something that can break a person. She was too involved, and her emotions were involved too… this was too personal."

Olivia was silent, contemplating what she had just heard.

"I should have seen it, her reactions throughout the whole case were so erratic, like…"

"We all saw her behavior, we all saw how this was affecting her, but we didn't know her history that well. You just work with her for a few days… if anything, her superiors and coworkers should have seen that something was wrong and they should have taken the necessary steps to prevent this from happening."

He looked at her and could tell something else was bothering her. He also saw she was shivering, and after taking off his blazer, he put it on her shoulders.

"Thanks"

"Olivia, what else is bothering you?" She looked in his eyes and could see the concern in them and she knew that whatever she told him, he wouldn't use it against her and he wouldn't think any less of her. His concern was real, it always was.

"She… she was a lot like me… the similarities are overwhelming, I… I had always been afraid of the kind of person I really am , I can't help but think that maybe, one day… there'll be something capable of breaking me, that I…"

"That would never happen… you have us" This time he interrupted her and rested his hand on her shoulder and left it there. "Even with the similarities you did share, you have something that she neglected to acknowledged she also had; you have a family… a little dysfunctional, but a family nonetheless, and you get support from us, as we do from you. She had that, but she chose to ignore it; you have been battling your inner demons for so long, that you haven't seen that they don't control you, you control them."

"But lately… lately, I've been losing control, I've been doubting myself and I've been thinking that maybe this is not at all worth it." She turned to him and he saw the raw desperation in her eyes.

"Liv, there are times when all of us doubt ourselves, and times when we all lose control. Just look at what we do and how that affects each one of us; look around you"

That brought a smile on her face, "I admit, you have been acting more reckless at times, but the majority of those times have been you fighting for a victim, to give them justice."

"And that's what drove her… she was looking for justice for her mentor, and look where that got her," she responded.

"Liv, what she was looking for, was retaliation, plain and simple. She lost control of herself long before, when she determined she would hunt Moore down to make him pay. Her sense of justice was clouded and when she realized what she had done, she couldn't deal with it."

"That's what I'm afraid of… I could see myself in her… that's what terrified me… that was why I lost it… I broke down in the middle of an extreme situation; when she shot herself, all I could do was cry… I have never done that… not like that..."

"Liv" this time he held her arm and turned her to look at him; he could see her tears.

"Simply seeing someone shoot themselves is sufficient enough to break a person, believe me… I know… it hurts and it is hard to accept and to deal with, especially if you knew the person. Think about it, you got close to her and you tried to help her. You saw her weaknesses and tried to save her, but she didn't want the help. That and the fact that you had been confronted with a lot of really hard situations for the last few months - you being attacked in your own home, your partner's been injured in front of you and you being in that accident didn't help at all. All that is reason enough for your body and mind to release emotions and feelings you have been building up inside… and this event was the catharsis for that, you needed that release, and there is nothing wrong with that, it is just human nature. I does not matter how strong you think you are, no one is going to thing less of you - not me, not your friends… look at it that way, it was just a release of emotions… we all need that every now and then, otherwise we would all be doing what is wrong thinking that it is the right way to do things."

This time when she looked at him, she was calmer, her eyes were serene and her expression was relaxed. All she did was nod her head, as if accepting his reasoning, and all she could do was express it with a smile on her face. After a moment, he let go of her and turned to go inside the building.

"So you broke down, as in crying and all that?" He asked with confusion in his voice.

She turned sharply and looked at him horrified, her eyes big and incredulity in her face.

"Lake… Lake didn't tell you that?"

"No… You just did, the only thing he told me was what I told you - how you tried to diffuse the situation and how things went down. He just told me that you and he were really affected by the situation, but nothing more. Now I see I need to talk to my young recruit and make it clear to him that he needs to tell me everything that effects my detectives."

"Cap... Don... I'm sure that he... Please don't reprimand him because of me, I'm sure he didn't want me to feel embarrassed, God knows I do!"

"So if I let it go, this means you'll talk to Huang about it without giving me any grief?"

" I don't…" She stopped when she saw his face and changed her mind, "If you think is necessary."

"I do," he said seriously.

"Ok, I'll do it."

"Good, you'll see… it will help to talk about it… just look at it as a way of letting those tense moments go. I'll talk to George, see what he has available, unless you want to talk to Hendrix…" He let this slip knowing Olivia's feelings towards the woman.

"No! George will be fine!" she responded.

"Ok." With that he continued for the door, saying, "Liv, everything will be ok... not fine, but eventually you'll get better. You'll feel better, believe me… and remember, we all are here for you, there is no weakness in showing that we all need help sometimes… just like we tell our victims, there is no shame in asking for help and support... remember that." With that he when inside the building.

Olivia stood there contemplating his words and realizing he was right. She needed time, and maybe talking to Huang wouldn't be that bad, she really did need to unload her mind.

She was coming down the stairs and crossed paths with Lake. He looked at her and smiled.

"Are you ok Liv?" No recrimination, no judgment, only concern in his voice.

She stopped and looked at him, returning the smile as best she could.

"Yeah, as ok as I can be, under the circumstances, but I'll get there" She continued towards her desk, as he continued on his way out.

"Lake!"

He stopped and turned.

"Thanks."

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Hope you like it.


End file.
